Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Then there are good days

You ever have those days when you feel like super woman/man? 
 I have had a days like that.
Me in my Super woman cape :)
(It's not about how you look on the outside but how you feel on the inside. :) )
I was super excited because I had gotten the company we order our son's food through to fix their order screw up, by sending one man on a 6 hour round trip drive to deliver what they forgot. Then we have been trying to get a part on his wheelchair fixed for awhile now and that company picked the wheelchair up in the morning, dropped it off in the afternoon and had it completely fixed! That same company was also able to get the correct headrest for his chair, one I had asked for over 6 months ago but the wrong was ordered. They also brought a new bed that I had been also trying to get for over 3 months!
The next day I felt like Super Mom. I made this for our middle child to play in...
Can you see me mom?
Then I got a bunch of house work done like 3 loads of laundry (washed, dried, folded, and put away!), cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes and invited friends and family to the Baptism that is taking place this weekend for our youngest child!

Playing outside
Then, it was such a beautiful day that we had to go out and play! This really was the highlight of my day. We got some work done but took time to play on the playground and bump in the yard. Hearing my kids laugh will bring me out of almost any kind of funk I may have been in the day before.

Life is full of ups and downs. I seem to go through them on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. I hope you are having a good day today too.

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Friday, October 23, 2015

One of those days

 Ever have one of those days? Where one little thing can throw your whole day off?
I am having one of those days.
The kind of day were you don't have the time, energy or urge to make chocolate chip cookies so you head straight to the good part anyway. You grab the chocolate chips and eat right from the bag...in the closet so you don't have to share and no one sees you.
  •   It started with our nurse having car problems and not being able to come in to work. (I really think I would go crazy if I didn't have them to talk to and today is proof. I am a mess.)
  • Then the hubby and I NEEDED to talk about money stuff because tomorrow is pay day. (Don't we all just LOVE those talks? Kind of depressing)
  • Then the hubby left me alone with the kids and went to work. (Yep all 3. Most days this may not be an issue, but I feel so alone when I don't have some adult to talk to)
  • In an attempt to do the "grown up/responsible" thing, I asked a friend to take the middle child so I could get some work done on that money stuff. (Sooo, you know, I am writing this blog post instead)
  • The middle child is sent off and 10 minutes later I am bawling my eyes out because I miss him and his cuteness. (Even though, when he is here, he can be in the way and I think about how much cleaner my house would be if he wasn't around taking every toy out of the toy box)
  • Missing my kid got me thinking about a family that I have only met online, but they feel like blood relatives, that just lost their 6 year old son that has the same condition as our oldest. (My heart breaks from them and I think about how we may know that kind of loss someday too. I think about how much I am missing our middle child, and I know he is having fun at a friends house. The tears flow harder now as I reach for that bag of chocolate chips)
    Life is hard. Life is messy. Sometimes our lives get thrown off course and we have NO ONE to blame, not even ourselves. I am having one of those days.
Well things are ok now. Turns out, my dad came over and bounced the baby so I could still get the money stuff finished.
This day got me thinking though. Thinking about how hard life is on some days. Hearing the news of any boy, like my oldest son, dying hits me hard and affect me for days...and I still can squeeze my boy. I can still hear him laugh. I don't know how I will survive the day when we have to bury him and I have so much respect for the parents that have gone ahead of me. (I know, I know prayer is powerful and maybe God will look down on our boy and let him out-live us, but the reality is that this disease SUCKS and it has taken too many boys way too soon, and it will probably take our son before we are ready to say good bye)
I got thinking about our money situation. No one like to talk about money issues to their friends or family for fear of being judged and labeled as a failure. There are millions of people filing bankruptcy every year through no fault of their own. Our money issues steamed from me being forced to quit my job when our oldest was born and we were farming. That year was a bad year for farmers too. It was a drought, the amount of money that we were getting paid for our milk was at a 10 year low, and the cost of feed for the cows was at a 10 year high (or something like that. You get the picture anyway...it was a bad situation) We are still trying to pay off those bills from 3ish years ago...but no one wants to talk about it. And some people think that we should not ever take a night and go out to eat. We should stay home and pay our bills. Well we work really hard and need to stay connected to each other and NEED a date night at least once a year! Most people in this country file for bankruptcy because they got sick. THEY GOT SICK! I am sure they didn't want to get sick. I am sure that they would have rather do anything else besides going to the doctor all the time. Why do we judge these people? Why do we think that they should just stay home all the time? and why can't we talk about it?
Then I got thinking about what a bitch I feel like on some days. Why can't the companies that supply my son's food or fix his chair or supply his medications all walk a day in my shoes? Why can't they just do their jobs? Why do I have to call three times and yell in order to get one thing right? The process I have to go through EVERY MONTH has made me a mean and bitter woman who thinks that no one can doing anything right, unless they are getting yelled at. I hate this. I hate who I have become and others are starting to notice. I am mean and very intolerable with most people in these companies, even if I am in a good mood and they are being helpful. I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I didn't have to deal with these companies!
Then I thought about how I want to be a better person...to others, to my family, to my husband, to myself. So I signed up for an online "Improve your marriage in 5 simple steps." and I bought books at the woman's conference I went to recently. They say something like "God is here for you, You will get through this. It will be better." I love all these things. I try to make time for these things. I think "I need to listen to these things so I can get to be a better person. I need to make time for this" AAAnd then I go and sit in my bed to read out of this great book or listen to this 15 minute video and I fall asleep. Lets face it, we all do a lot in day. Whether we have kids or a 9-5 job; we are busy people and try to get so much done in one day that by the end of it we pass out...or lay awake because we have to much we are thinking about. Either way, we are tired and sleep deprived. 
So many thoughts. So much on my plate. So many frustrations. These are just a few of the ones I am thinking about this day. It is time to grab that bag of chocolate chips and head to the closet. Don't even get me started on health care, the news, humanitarian issues, politics, animal abuse, or weight loss; those are for a different day. It really is amazing that we can even function as adults. Give yourself a high five and a pat on the back, because you deserve it! Yep, I know tomorrow will be better. I will get through this day. I will deal with the equipment company tomorrow. I will try and read one more page from one of those great books I have. I am thankful for the few good things that have happened today. I will. And you will too. We will get through this together. Please don't feel ashamed of who you are. Please don't curl up in a ball and try to hide forever...one day or one week, ok, but please don't stay there. I love you. Other people love you too, even if it doesn't feel like it today. 
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Sunday, October 18, 2015

Women of Faith- 2015

You are seen. You are heard. You are loved.
That was the theme for this year. This was my 4th year going. If you want to read about my amazing experience from last year you can by clicking HERE.
Every year I take away something different, something I needed to hear. I cry every year. The one thing that made me cry this year was a 10 year old singing "Jesus loves me this I know" I know this song and you do too! But I let the words sink into my soul. 
Jesus loves me this I know.
 For the Bible tells me so.
 Little ones to Him belong.
 For they are weak, but He is strong.
 Yes Jesus loves me.
 Yes Jesus loves me.
 Yes Jesus loves me.
 Yes Jesus loves me, for the Bible tells me so!

WOW! Yep, I needed to hear that. We are ALL little ones! We are ALL his children...and he is SOOO in love with us! No matter what we do; no matter how bad we think we have screwed up; no matter what our past is and no matter what we are going through right now. 

The one thing that got me thinking was a skit about the invisible woman. She does the laundry, makes the meals, buys the food, pays the bills, and gets the butter during meal time when it is just randomly stated that "We are out of butter". She never gets addressed. She never gets acknowledged. Her work goes on, unnoticed. Just like the great people that built the cathedrals in Europe. They had a book that gave a history about the cathedrals but in the "Builder" section all that was there was "unknown". No one took credit. What one person started another finished. People started something that they knew they would never see the end of. 
Why would someone do that?
Why would anyone ever start something, knowing that they wouldn't be able to finish it?
 These people did it, with no credit to themselves, because they knew that God saw what they were doing.
The invisible woman (aka: MOM) was a lot like these builders. Even if you never get a thank you or acknowledged for your work, God sees you. He knows what you are doing. He hears your thoughts. As a mom we don't want our kids to brag to their friends about how nice their shirts are folded or how much money you saved by clipping coupons. You want them to brag about how nice you are and how much they will love being in your home. All that "little" stuff is what makes your house a home, and they do notice. Then a prayer was said. I can't remember the exact words but it went something like this...
"God please let my work be a reflection of you and not myself. Let the people that live here, and enter here, know you through me. Let my work go on being invisible, because it is not about me. It is about you God. I know that you see me. I know that you have blessed me with so many things. Let me give praise to you by continuing to be invisible. Let me not be weighed down by the little things in my day because they all serve a higher purpose. They all serve you. Amen"

 WOW! Well I don't know about you but I feel invisible some days. This puts a whole new twist on things doesn't it? I CAN NOT get this out of my head. This is what I want. This is what I need to being saying when I get crabby with my hubby for not crushing the soda cans, that he drinks from. (I usually drink water or milk. It's not my mess so why should I clean it up or deal with it? That is my usual thought) This is what I need to remember as the kids get older and don't want to talk to me and throw a fit when asked to clean the bathroom. I will clean the bathroom and it may go unnoticed by the people living with me. But God will see. 

The other thing that I took away from this weekend was that everyone has a story to tell. They very thing that you think makes you unworthy of his love is the thing that will help bring others to Him...If you tell your story to them. I think we have an amazing story and I can't wait for the right season in my life to be able to sit down, write a book, and tell you all about it. You get little pieces of it when you subscribe to this blog, but I will never reveal the whole story! That is yet to come. :)

I would love to hear your story. Please tell it to someone, if not me. We can only learn if we share with each other, and are not ashamed of who we are.

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Thursday, October 8, 2015

School... for my 3 year old

I am not ready! He is only 3! What if......
These were my thoughts at the end of August. My little man was growing up and I was NOT ready! Something just didn't sit right with me having to send my 3 year old to school and knowing when parent teacher conferences were.
But it is going well. I missed his first day of school because I was a  bit busy... having a baby. But I was home to see him off on his second day of school and have even gone with him a few times.
He is so happy for a new adventure!

All set to go
 He was so excited to go. I cried a little. His brother was NOT happy. He wanted to go with his big brother...
Little brother, as the bus was leaving with big brother
Noel is doing well. The therapists have been working him really hard and have come up with new ways to motivate him. I think the best part is his interaction with the other kids. They sing a "Hello/Welcome" song when he gets there, and the other kids have to ask permission if they want to play with a toy he is playing with. If he smiles at them then they can play too. 
No time to smile. He is too busy.
I can't wait to see were this takes him and how far he will go! I also have gotten over the fact that my 3 year old is in school.
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