Friday, October 10, 2014

What do you wish for?

This morning was hard. Our son had so many gagging fits that I lost track of the count. For those that don't know, He can't throw up. He had his stomach twisted to prevent reflux and now just does the wrenching motion like one would if they were throwing up. This was hard for me to watch and induced so much worry.

I wish life didn't have to be this way.
I wish you didn't have to suffer.
I wish I could just hold you all day.
I wish I wasn't so distracted with other things and I could give you my full attention.
I wish you didn't turn blue.
I am glad that it is not like it used to be. It has gotten better.
You are bigger now and have stayed healthy for quite some time.
When I see you like that I cry when I think of how it used to be.
I long for you to be little, but not exactly the way you used to be.
I love the way you snuggle into my arms as I hold you, knowing you just want me to make it better.
I wish you could tell me what is wrong.
As I hold you, I can't help but think of the future.
A future were you are bigger and don't fit in my arms.
A future that is so bright, yet so dark, all at the same time.
I wish that you could stay here forever.
I will do my best to keep you near, for as long as I can.
I will fight for you.
I will help you reach "the next goal".
I will hold you in my arms as long as I can.
I wish I didn't have to think about death.
I wish I didn't have to think about how long I will have to take care of you
I wish I didn't have to know in my heart, that I will bury you.
God will do great things with you and through you, this I know.
I just wish life didn't have to be this way.

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